38 Weeks

Hi baby girl!  You sure are squirmy these days.  Sometimes my ribs feel bruised!  It's also becoming increasing more difficult/uncomfortable to bend over, get up from sitting or laying down, etc.  Are you ready to come out?  Well, let's wait at least a few more days and then you come come whenever you want.  I can't believe that any day now I will be holding you in my arms.  I am nervous because I've never done this before, but I get excited when I think of seeing your little face for the first time and holding your tiny body in my arms.  I get excited when I think of your daddy holding you and seeing his reaction to meeting his daughter for the first time.  We are still getting things ready for you.  Your nursery is coming along beautifully.  I think it will be a place that we can both enjoy and find peace in.  I am super tired today and maybe that is good because it is forcing me to rest instead of cleaning and organizing like I have been.  Which reminds me, this weekend we went blueberry picking with your Grandma Kim!  It was a lot of work in the hot sun but we got lots of healthy, yummy blueberries to eat and freeze for the upcoming months. 

Here are some pictures of me at 38 weeks!:

     

38 Weeks:

Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 6.8 pounds and she's over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb. Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? If she's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old.

37 weeks

How your baby's growing:

Your baby is now considered "full term," even though your due date is three weeks away. If you go into labor now, his lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. (Some babies need a bit more time, though.
Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long.

 Here is something interesting that I read in an email from Research Medical (where I am delivering):

What is a “due date,” anyway?
While your due date may still be a couple of weeks away, as of week 38 your baby is considered full-term. While we often focus on a single day—as if a delivery before that day were “early” and one after is “late”—the truth is that your baby is due anytime between weeks 38 and 42, and your due date is simply the day that falls in the middle of that period.

So then why are we so quick to induce women the week of their due date?  (sigh)  
Baby Smith can take as long as she wants :)

My soul finds rest in God alone…

My soul finds rest in God alone…

I read this on a friend's email this morning and it struck me, my soul is NOT at rest, my heart and mind are NOT at rest.  I am a mess.  I feel crazy, out of control, obsessive.  I know that some of this is normal because of where I am at in my pregnancy, some of it is hormones maybe, and some of it is just me and what I always fight and struggle with.  But I am not at rest, and I do not feel connected with God, and I am not able to embrace and enjoy these last weeks of pregnancy like I want to.  Ever since school got out my mind has been more free to obsess and worry.  I really struggle with obsessing about money, about wastefulness when it comes to things and money.  I am also so scared for what this "stay at home mom" thing looks like.  What it will feel like to me.  Right now being at home I am always missing Jeff, waiting for him to get home, becoming restless even if I have things to do, feeling trapped at home.  I am afraid of not being able to handle being at home all the time.  I know it's what I've always wanted, it's what we want for our kids, it could be so so good for our family, it's what we've planned for, and I have support and resources.

I am also just so scared of bringing home this baby in a few short weeks.  My due date is 3 weeks away, that makes me want to throw up.  I am SO excited to go into labor and give birth.  I feel mostly ready for this, although I have not read all the books I wanted to or practiced like I could have, I feel that my body will know what to do.  And maybe this is what happens after the baby comes out, parental instincts or something will kick in and we will know what to do.  But right now I feel like I have NO IDEA what we are supposed to do with this child when she comes out!  And this is my frustration with all of this baby stuff and trying to figure out what we need and what we don't need, and what is the best product, because: I. Just. Don't. Know.

And I haven't even gotten very far into the baby books yet!  Where I will face even more opinions and have to make more decisions, important decisions, about how to do sleeping and eating, etc.  And I hate making decisions.  And there are so many decisions, big and small, to make right now.  Actually, they are probably all pretty small decisions at this point but they all feel so BIG.  And I can not seem to let go of it, to open up my hands and let go.  I could write forever, but I am obsessing again.  I just needed to vent and try to let go.  How do I find peace and rest in God, what does this look like practically?  What steps do I take to get out of my obsessing?

KC Baby Shower

Last Saturday, our dear friends Brooke and Lisa threw us a baby shower here in KC!  It was a lot of fun and an absolutely gorgeous day.  We couldn't have asked for better weather or better friends!  We are so blessed!

Me at 36 weeks.

Yummy, my favorite part!

The hostesses!

Nesting-36.5 weeks

Wow, nesting is a real thing.  I feel like a crazy person!    I need to get out of this house more.

Here is some of what Pregnancy Weekly says about nesting:

      This is an uncontrollable urge to clean one's house brought on by a desire to prepare a nest for the new baby, to tie up loose ends of old projects and to organize your world.
Females of the animal kingdom are all equipped with this same need. It is a primal instinct. Just as you see birds making their nests, mothers-to-be do exactly the same thing. The act of nesting puts you in control and gives a sense of accomplishment toward birth. You may become a homebody and want to retreat into the comfort of home and familiar company, like a brooding hen.
     Nesting brings about some unique and seemingly irrational behaviors in pregnant women and all of them experience it differently. Women have reported throwing away perfectly good sheets and towels because they felt the strong need to have "brand new, clean" sheets and towels in their home. They have also reported doing things like taking apart the knobs on kitchen cupboards, just so they could disinfect the screws attached to the knobs. Women have discussed taking on cleaning their entire house, armed with a toothbrush. There seems to be no end to the lengths a nesting mother will go to prepare for her upcoming arrival.
This unusual burst of energy is responsible for women ironing anything in the house that couldn't out run them. Being preoccupied with ant killing, squishing them one at a time for weeks on end. Packing and unpacking the labor bag 50 times. Cleaning the kitchen cupboards and organizing everything by size to the point that you make sure the silverware patterns match when it's stacked in the cutlery drawer. Sorting the baby's clothes over and over again is a favorite theme. Taking them out of the drawers and re-folding them, putting them away and doing it over and over again. Nesting will provide interesting stories for years to come.                                                             Nesting can be one of the more humorous aspects of pregnancy. One that you and your partner are sure to laugh about in the years to come...if he ever forgives you for sending him off to work and ripping down all the wallpaper in the hall! You may laugh about it now but you probably won't laugh when you're in the middle of it. No one can pull you out of it no matter how silly your behavior may seem. It simply becomes something that you must do!

Here is what I have been doing:

I am daily sorting though everything in the nursery, reorganizing everything, and it still looks like a mess.  I have been making lists and plans for where and at what prices we can get the additional items we need.
Late one night after driving home from Springfield we found ants in the kitchen so I swept and mopped the whole kitchen and then sprayed the perimeter with Home Defense.  Then I cried because I was tired and my back was hurting.
I randomly decided I needed to organize the dog's bin of toy and supplies, wiping everything down with antibacterial wipes and washing all bags, leashes, bandanas, and cloth toys.
Earlier this week I cleaned out several big pot of dead plants (carrying them down from the deck) and dumped all the dirt into a wheel barrel to use as fill in the side flower bed.
Last night I couldn't sleep at all because I was so wired.  My mind wouldn't stop racing, worrying, thinking about if we had gotten the best prices on things we had just bought off our registry or if we had gotten what we really needed.  I've been obsessively going through things on Target.com and BabiesRUs.com and reading customer reviews on every baby product and trying to decided what we still need, what is the best video monitor, crib mattress pad, etc.    When I couldn't sleep last night I got back on Target.com and was looking up bins and curtains, writing down measurements to try in the morning. 

BUT, this morning I took the dogs on a wonderful walk in the park by our house while I listened to Magical Mystery Tour and Abby Road.  The weather was perfect, the trees beautiful, and everyone I passed was friendly.  I just walked and sang along to my favorite Beatles albums and felt at peace.  :)

I just hope I don't implode before she come out.  I am also starting to get scared about actually having a baby and about how horrible everyone makes those first few weeks sound.  Where's the joy in that?

STL and Columbia Baby Showers

This is a late post but I had a lot of pictures to go through. :)  On Sunday, May 22, Jeff and I had two baby showers!  We are so blessed by our family and friends.  My amazing sister, aunts, and grandma threw us a shower in the STL and my dear friend Mazvita threw us one in Columbia later that evening.  They were both beautiful and a lot of fun.  I will let the pictures tell the story.

This is when Grandma told us how she thought the stroller that we registered for was an ugly color and that if it weren't for my Aunt Jane telling her to get us the one we picked out she was going to get a red one instead.  lol

My beautiful, incredible sister!  Aunt Chrissy :)

All the lovely ladies who help throw our baby shower!

Columbia Baby Shower!

My beautiful, wonderful friend Mazvita.

Braxon Hicks & Nursery Illustraions

Alrighty folks, I am starting to have some discomfort. :(
On Wednesday evening I think I was having Braxon Hicks contractions.  What I read on the internet says they cause no pain or discomfort but THEY DO.  Not pain, per say, but big time discomfort.  I have friends to back me up on this.  It's kinds of like I had a stomach ache plus my back was hurting and I just couldn't find a comfortable position.  This lasted for several hours but I felt better right before going to bed.  We had dinner with friend and I was so distracted because I couldn't find a comfortable position to sit in the booth.  Then I just ended up going home and laying down for a while.  This same thing happened the Monday evening of the week before, while we were at Home Depot.  And both times Baby Smith was moving around like crazy.  So I just kept telling her to stay in there!  I told her she can't come out until July!  :) 

I finally finished the last nursery illustion this week!  Here is Leonardo the Terrible Monster: