Thoughts

I'm still trying to figure out the baby registry and the colors for the nursery.  If there is one things that I am bad at it's making decisions.  When you are having your first baby there are A LOT of decisions.  It reminds me of when Jeff and I went to register at Target several weeks ago.  We were walking around, what felt like aimlessly walking around, feeling overwhelmed as usual, and I said "Shouldn't someone be doing this with us, telling us what to get."  We have no schema for these types of items, nor do we know what our baby will like.  Even with all of the advice I have gotten from friends and all of the research I have done, it turns out everyone has their own opinion and they are mostly all different.  Why are there 15 different types of pacifiers?  Is it just to make my head spin?  I suppose that whatever we get will be fine, but my problem with making decisions is that I always come back to my theory that there has to be a BEST choice.  I need to know what that best choice is!  But, unfortunately, you don't know what you don't know.

This is the same problem I am having with nursery colors.  I have all of these ideas but I can't make them all happen.  So what are the best ideas, and which go together.  This part is so hard for me.  I've been given a blank slate and I really want to be creative and make this room special and artsy and unique.  And I want to be the one who designed and put it together.  It's a lot of pressure that I am putting on myself.  And so, the room remains, a blank slate.  

And then there is the name decision!  The most important decision of all.  Yikes!  We have essentially two names in the running currently.  Harper Elliana, Quinn Elliana.  I would say that Elliana will be the middle name for sure, it means "the Lord has responded".  Jeff still likes Harper the best and I still like it too but am having trouble getting over the word "harp" sometimes being used as "to nag", or "to dwell on something".  I heard it used on TV in this way "You are really harping on this, you are kind of a harper" and I heard a friend use it the other day "I hate to harp on this but . . ."  And maybe there is another, better name out there.  But what is it?  :)

I also have to make a decision about getting a 3D ultrasound done so that we can be sure that we are in fact having a baby girl.  I am leaning toward yes, because if it came out a boy, I think he would feel like a stranger.  I've been bonding with my baby girl all of this time, I would be so confused.  Plus he would have A LOT of pink hats and clothes to wear.

Baby girl, as you are bouncing around in my stomach I am reflecting on the moment I found out I was pregnant with you.  I am thinking of my excitement and anticipation as I watched that faint plus sign appear, as I looked at it in disbelief and called to your daddy asking "That is a plus sign, right?!"  The surreal feeling of minutes later meeting up with Eric and Stephanie to walk the dogs, but keeping you a secret.  Then driving up to CVS on Main St. and having to get the male police officer to open the case where the pregnancy tests are locked up (because apparently they get stolen a lot).  My rush to drive home and take that second test, and my relief and confirmed joy at seeing another plus sign.  Then meeting Brooke and Ryan at First Fridays and standing outside while Jeff went into the crowded art gallery to tell Brooke to go outside and talk to me.  I remember telling Brooke and jumping up and down squealing like little girls.  

I am still in awe when I look in the mirror and see a pregnant lady staring back at me.  "Is this really true?" I sometimes think.  "How can this be?"  It seems like a dream.  I can not believe this miracle inside of me is happening.  This growing and unfolding of life.  How am I so blessed to embody this life?  Thank you, thank you, thank you.