Alas, I realize that I am no blogger, but I did write a note on Facebook last night that I will post below. It represents a few musings I had this weekend on parenthood and people in general. Hopefully one day I will have a conversation with our girl and explain to her how she should not be so judgmental towards people, because they probably feel the same way about her:
"If you have never been to the Independence Mall, once you walk in it feels like you are walking into a spaceship primed for invasion. In fact, if you can picture Will Smith flying into the spaceship in Independence Day (no pun intended), that is pretty much what it feels like inside. It is probably one of the last remaining successful indoor malls around, and within it's walls on any given weekend are literally thousands of people, mostly pimply teenagers making out in corners. I went on Sunday with Maria to look for maternity clothes (which was an adventure all by itself), and was completely overwhelmed by the teenage angst and Dale Earnhardt engraved bare skin.
As I stood by the wall holding two cinnamon and sugar Auntie Ann's pretzels, waiting for Maria to emerge from Dillards, I found myself judging every person that walked by me. Some might call this "people watching", but I'll call it what it is: an exercise in personal validation and self-worth. I'm not proud of it, but I did it. I kept thinking to myself that these mall executives have gotten something right. They throw up their Popsicle stand and everyone just comes to buy a bunch of crap, mostly stuff they don't need. "Look at them all", I say to myself. "They are like robots. People tell them what they need to come and spend money on and they do it. Then the guy who created all of this takes that trip to Switzerland he was looking forward to because a hundred more people spent money on an Orange Julius this month than last month".
They come to buy their snuggies, their cute black purses, and their oversized jeans with lavishly embroidered back pockets. I think that they also come because they don't know what else to do. They come because it's Sunday, and this is what they do on Sunday afternoons.
I begin to think that I've got this thing figured out. I can now break away from this distopian reality before it's too late. All I have to do is figure out what my proverbial Popsicle stand will sell, and I am free to exploit the masses. I won't be a pawn, I will beat them at their own game!
And that is when it hits. I am the one standing by the wall, holding in my hands two excellent examples of impulsive buying behavior. Exactly the behavior, mind you, that the demonized mall executives are counting on. While I am dreaming of escape and judging my fellow mall sufferers, they are doing the same thing to me. "Look at this idiot standing by the wall with TWO PRETZELS. I can actually see this guy getting fatter, the cinnamon and sugar are absorbing into his fingertips and going straight to his buttcheeks. He isn't even eating the pretzels, he's just standing there staring blankly into space!"
The moral of my story is that I think everyone should not go to the mall this next weekend, and should instead go for a hike. Also I think that everyone should try to break out of their mold at least once this week. Good luck!"
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