breastfeeding is hard- 5 weeks

Breastfeeding is hard.  Like the hardest thing I've ever done.  (And after doing natural childbirth I'd think all else would pale in comparison.)  Sometimes BF is amazing, more times it is hard, painful, or frustrating.  And I just hate not having all the answers and not knowing how to make it better.  Like now I am wondering if Quinn may have reflux and if that is why she sometime gets fussy and screams and pulls off while feeding.  But there is no way to know for sure and I hate putting her on more meds just to see if they help.  I also have a blocked milk duct, which is really painful, but I think it is getting better.  Last night and today she has been cluster feeding, maybe getting ready for that 6 week growth spurt.  So needless to say, last night I was sleeping in 1 hour increments.  One awesome thing I discovered this week is how to do the side lying position.  We still need some practice with it, but it has been really nice and peaceful to lay and nurse her like that.  I feel like BF has gotten better in a lot of ways but it seems that each week brings new challenges.  I just want it to be that natural, peaceful, bonding time that it seems like it can be, and every once in while I do get a taste of that.  Everyone says that it's worth it once you get through the hard beginning weeks/months.  I am expecting it to be awesome!!  At least I know Quinn is getting the very best nutrition.  It's amazing how God created a women's body to provide for her child.

Thank you Lord for the encouraging sermon Sunday on the Joy of Christ.
As Paul wrote, while he was in prison,
"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again.  Rejoice!"


The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Here is an awesome quote that someone sent to me: 
"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh

 This was at 4 weeks- see how happy she is! :p

 At the JW Pilgrimage.  Next year we will go for the whole weekend and take Quinn camping!

I love Grandma Kim and Aunt Paige!

 

At Starbucks on the Plaza with the family.

 

I love Grandpa Ben!

The following pictures show how Quinn is like her daddy about sleeping when it is time to wake up:

So funny!

Quinn weighed in at 8 lbs 1.5 oz at group this week!

4 weeks old

Here is Quinn's growth from the last three Mondays at the North KC support group:
7 lbs
7lbs 6oz
7lbs  12oz

Well Quinny Bear, as hard as this is sometimes, we must be doing something right!

Last night was rough, Jeff was out of town and Quinn cried (off and on) for two hours and wouldn't eat.  She has been having trouble eating sometimes, getting fussy and not staying on to eat.  She will latch over and over and then cry and pull off- which becomes very soar and painful for me, not to mention extremely frustrating and time consuming.  So I thank God for the community and support he has put around me: a mom friend from church, who lives around the block, came over and helped me calm down and calm Quinn down.  She reminded me that this (like everything) is a lesson in giving up the control.  God is asking me again to surrender to Him and His control and trust Him.  I can't control Quinn's feedings, no matter how hard I try to do everything right.  I can't figure out for sure what may or may not be wrong when she gets fussy at the breast, no matter how many web articles I read or LCs I talk to.  I DO NOT HAVE CONTROL!  I have to take a deep breath and give this up and trust the Lord again and again.  I can see that this is going to be a BIG part of parenting, even now with an infant.

We just had a good feeding.  Now Quinn is sleeping on my chest as I write this.  I want to remember this encouraging moment so that the next difficult feeding does not seem so overwhelming.

I just read this wonderfully encouraging "letter" about breastfeeding:
http://theleakyboob.com/2011/08/baby-explains-normal-newborn-behavior/

What month is it? What day is it? 3.5 weeks

Wow, I can't believe that I haven't written on here in so long.  I just haven't had the energy.  What do I do all day?  I breastfeed and wear sleepy Quinn on my chest.

I will cautiously say that I think breastfeeding is getting better.  That being said, it has been a rough three weeks in that aspect, which is basically what my entire day and night consists of.  And this is why it is esp. hard- b/c you are facing the challenge every 2 hours.  Sometimes it takes 2 hours just to get though a feeding, and at 3AM it's hard to have patience.  I've been told by several friends that mine is not the first baby to be cursed at.  But it is getting better.  Unfortunately there are new challenges that I am facing with breastfeeding now but Quinn and I are working through them and figuring this out together.  My house is a mess.  EVERYTHING is covered in breast milk.  Quinn started sleeping a little longer at night, which is great, but my body has not yet adjusted which equals my boobs becoming engorged and hurting and then when I try to feed her at 3AM I am leaking all over the place- all over her head, the rocking chair, my cloths, etc.  It's  ridiculous!  Breast feeding Quinn also means me being consistently worried about if she is eating enough, if I am producing enough, if I will keep producing enough, etc.  She has been very fussy during feedings lately- latching on and getting fussy and pulling away, over and over- or just falling asleep and not eating anymore (hence two hour struggle feedings).  So I obsessively Google these things on the internet and find all kinds of "possible" reasons for these issues- I see now that this is NOT healthy for me, but it is oh-so-hard to stop.  That has been one frustrating part of this process- everyone says something different, even among Lac. Consultants and Lac. Nurses, etc.  I've been told so many different things that my head is spinning.  BUT I have backed off from going to so many support groups (I went to 4 in one week) and now I am just going to the one at North KC Hospital.  They have been the most helpful and supportive.  I will also try to go to the LLL meetings, but they are only once a month- I went to the last meeting and the leaders were also super nice and helpful.  Although I have been overwhelmed by conflicting information and advice,  it has been wonderful to receive so much support from professionals and friends.  It shows how challenging and important breast feeding is.  I am proud of Quinn and myself for coming this far with it- and I feel like we are doing it, even if it just by taking it one feeding and one day at a time.

"Everything in life should have a support group. Have hemorrhoids? Go to group. Have a bad haircut? Go talk about it with your group. Breastfeeding support groups are special though because everyone sees your boobs. That’s a level of bonding there that is slightly higher than regular people interactions. So naturally the conversations then goes to sticking your baby in the sun to make him sleep, magical vagina lubrications, farts (both yours and babies), and husbands annoying you. Then guess what? YOU HAVE FRIENDS NOW. LIKE REAL LIFE FRIENDS. I will be breastfeeding through high school so I can keep going to my group."

http://www.modgblog.com/2011/08/04/10-things-about-boob-feeding-that-only-im-going-to-tell-you-you-my-friend-are-welcome/